Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Well we survived the revocation week! Yeah! According to my attorney she mailed our homestudy to the court on Monday and we should hear back from the court in about two weeks a court date to finalize the adoption.

I tell you, I am still pinching myself. Who I am Lord, that your are mindful of me! I just can't believe you have given me the gift of a newborn infant.

Baby A. is doing great! He is getting sooo big! I love when he tries to maneuver his hands into his mouth. He has a new nickname. Grunt! When he was smaller he barely cried or made a sound, now 5 weeks later he grunts all the time!

Baby A. and his parents completed their first huge parenting milestone and went family tent camping on a damp, wet, and windy weekend in Lancaster, PA. Hopefully our next trip will have better weather, but we had fun nonetheless!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Good news so far this week!

I am praying that the good news continues!

First of all, Mother's Day was lovely! I loved every minute of it. It ended up just being bm and us, but it truly was a delightful day! I think she enjoyed it too! Thank you Jesus for your providence! It was a big reminder to me that most of what I worry about never happens...so I really need to stop worrying!!!

Next, yesterday we finally received the results of the sweat test. Joyfully, baby a. does not have CF!!! Praise God!!!!

Today baby a. went to the doctor for his 1 month check up. He is doing great! He gained about 2 lbs and 2 inches. He now weights 7 lbs and 10 oz and is 20 3/4 inches! Praise God!

Tommorow is the big day. Lord I pray that you give our birthmother an overwhelming sense of peace. I pray against any anxiety that may try to disturb her soul. Lord I pray you will surround her with lots of love and support. Encourage her, uphold her, let her feeling your loving arms wrap around her.

Lord guard my heart as well. Please protect me from anxiety creeping in. Give me too an overwhelming sense of your peace. Amen

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Praying through my anxiety

Up until now I have felt relatively calm and peaceful about everything...but the last two days or so, I feel the anxiety creeping in at night while I am sleeping in the form of nightmares. Two nights ago it was about the results from the CF sweat test and last night it was about the bm changing her mind.

Lord I really want to lift this upcoming day and week to you. I want have faith that regardless of the outcome you are supreme overall.

First, I want to lift up today with our bm, her husband and her daughter. Lord, is some ways I am glad her entire family is going to join us to celebrate mother's day, but their is a small part of me that fears this is some kind of mean trick. Like she is going to convince her husband to revoke on her behalf and they decide to raise the child together. After all both bm, husband, and bio father all have revocation dates next week. Lord, I lift today up to you. I ask for a hedge of protection against any thoughts husband might have to take baby a. away. I pray that our time today is filled with fun, fullness, and joy. I pray that as we spend the day together, everyone involved will be overwhelmed with a sense of deep peace that baby a. is where he is supposed to be.

Next, I am anxiously anticipating the results of the sweat test on Monday. Lord I know I can't change the outcome. Of course like the nurse who did the sweat test, I claim in Jesus' name that he is free and clear of CF, but also knowing that we will love him and care for him regardless of the outcome. Lord give me peace while we are waiting for the results.

Lord as we are waiting for the results I do find myself anxious about the what ifs....What if he has CF...how will I tell bm and bf. Lord help me to live in the present moment. To not be anxious about anything, but rest and trust in you.

This upcoming week will be one full of anticipation and anxiety...

Monday is the results of the sweat test. Wednesday is the last day of revocation for bm. Thursday is the last day of revocation for bm's husband. And Friday is the last day of revocation for bf.

Once again Lord, I pray you fill our bm with an overwhelming sense of peace as Wednesday rolls around. Surround her with the love and support she needs to "survive" the day. Lord help me not to fret or worry...fill me with a sense of peace...for I know your ways are not my ways...thank you in advance for your faithfulness.

Lord for Thursday, I just pray that it really isn't an issue. I pray that it comes and goes without much notice. I pray for bm husband. I pray that search his heart and make it clean in thought and motive.

Lord, originally I hadn't been nervous for bf, but I find myself increasly nervous not because of him, but because of his mother. Since she called my lawyer last week, I have the fear that she will talk her son into revoking the adoption so that she can raise baby a. In some ways Lord I can see how a spiritual battle could be raging. Lord I pray that all the things I am fearful of...are just that...silly fears that I have let enter my mind. Lord I pray that you are sovereign. That you will make your sovereignty known.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to spill my yuckis before you...Lord help me to rest in you...to look up to you....to have my hope and faith in you. Lord I want to believe that this is all going to work out "my way". But Lord, I know I have to put my trust in you...and know that regardless of the result...you are ultimately in control. Let me rest in that.