Up until now I have felt relatively calm and peaceful about everything...but the last two days or so, I feel the anxiety creeping in at night while I am sleeping in the form of nightmares. Two nights ago it was about the results from the CF sweat test and last night it was about the bm changing her mind.
Lord I really want to lift this upcoming day and week to you. I want have faith that regardless of the outcome you are supreme overall.
First, I want to lift up today with our bm, her husband and her daughter. Lord, is some ways I am glad her entire family is going to join us to celebrate mother's day, but their is a small part of me that fears this is some kind of mean trick. Like she is going to convince her husband to revoke on her behalf and they decide to raise the child together. After all both bm, husband, and bio father all have revocation dates next week. Lord, I lift today up to you. I ask for a hedge of protection against any thoughts husband might have to take baby a. away. I pray that our time today is filled with fun, fullness, and joy. I pray that as we spend the day together, everyone involved will be overwhelmed with a sense of deep peace that baby a. is where he is supposed to be.
Next, I am anxiously anticipating the results of the sweat test on Monday. Lord I know I can't change the outcome. Of course like the nurse who did the sweat test, I claim in Jesus' name that he is free and clear of CF, but also knowing that we will love him and care for him regardless of the outcome. Lord give me peace while we are waiting for the results.
Lord as we are waiting for the results I do find myself anxious about the what ifs....What if he has CF...how will I tell bm and bf. Lord help me to live in the present moment. To not be anxious about anything, but rest and trust in you.
This upcoming week will be one full of anticipation and anxiety...
Monday is the results of the sweat test. Wednesday is the last day of revocation for bm. Thursday is the last day of revocation for bm's husband. And Friday is the last day of revocation for bf.
Once again Lord, I pray you fill our bm with an overwhelming sense of peace as Wednesday rolls around. Surround her with the love and support she needs to "survive" the day. Lord help me not to fret or worry...fill me with a sense of peace...for I know your ways are not my ways...thank you in advance for your faithfulness.
Lord for Thursday, I just pray that it really isn't an issue. I pray that it comes and goes without much notice. I pray for bm husband. I pray that search his heart and make it clean in thought and motive.
Lord, originally I hadn't been nervous for bf, but I find myself increasly nervous not because of him, but because of his mother. Since she called my lawyer last week, I have the fear that she will talk her son into revoking the adoption so that she can raise baby a. In some ways Lord I can see how a spiritual battle could be raging. Lord I pray that all the things I am fearful of...are just that...silly fears that I have let enter my mind. Lord I pray that you are sovereign. That you will make your sovereignty known.
Thank you Lord for allowing me to spill my yuckis before you...Lord help me to rest in you...to look up to you....to have my hope and faith in you. Lord I want to believe that this is all going to work out "my way". But Lord, I know I have to put my trust in you...and know that regardless of the result...you are ultimately in control. Let me rest in that.
Amen
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