One hell of an evening...

Where to start...

I'd gotten wind that birthmother was really struggling with her decision to choose adoption for Ashton. We had done our best to be understanding and loving through her storms.

This evening I received a text from our birthmom asking us if we hated her? Confused I texted back ????? She responded because how she felt about the adoption. I told her I was unaware of how she felt about the adoption and perhaps she wanted to share.

Of course she was terrified, but she shared with me how torn she was. How she wanted to parent, but no one else agreed with her. While I couldn't give her an answer I listened to her, told her we are holding Ashton with open hands, and prayed with her.

After I got off the phone with her I contacted my lawyer with no luck. So I left a message. Then, I then contacted our birthmom's lawyer. Basically her lawyer told me that she thought our birthmom had made up her mind to revoke the adoption. Although at the time I was unaware that she had already drafted a letter of revocation to be filed in the courts sometime next week. I asked her lawyer how much time she could "string us along" so to speak..if she wanted to parent her child, please let her just make the decision and let's be done with it. Her lawyer agreed and told me she would contact our birthmother later tonight.

Of course devastated on soooo many levels I called my dear friend Colleen. As I was crying out for my mommy while talking with her, I received an odd call from the Pediatric Center, where both Lily and Ashton go to the doctors. Dr. C a doctor we had seen when Ashton was several days old called to tell me that their is a probability that Ashton may have cystic fibrous. He had two abnormal screens come back indicating abnormally high chloride levels. While these test can produce a false positive, she requested that I take him to either John Hopkins or Children's hospital to have a sweat test done.

Shortly after this, I receive another text from bm...with my mental state, I tell her the only thing I can do at the moment, but tell her to hold on.

Well at this point you can only imagine my mental state...first, I am told that child I have been parenting for the last 2.5 weeks will likely be returned to his birthmother and secondly that their is a chance that this child may or may not have cystic fibrous...and then i get a new text from bm wanting to ask me another question,,,all within a 15 minute time period!

Right after I get off the phone with the pediatrician, and I am talking briefly to my dear friend C. My lawyer calls...Gosh how I love her! She has a righteous anger on our behalf. BM wants to parent her child and maintain her relationship with us. While we wouldn't hate her, I would find it difficult to have the same level of intimacy with her as we do now. Furthermore, she agrees, that if bm wants to parent, let her do it tommorow...not drag it out. Lastly adding to the fact that their may be some this big health issue, I don't want to spend all this emotion, time,and energy on the cystic fibrous diagnosis if she would like to parent him. Sometimes, even in the darkness it is nice to have someone on your side! I told her about the call from the pediatrician and the texts from bm. She instructed me to text bm back and ask her what her question was...while on the phone with my lawyer I did not receive a text back.

Our lawyer advised to stay chill, we would have a resolution in the morning and try to get some rest. LOL!

20 minute later I receive a text from our bm...it read the following:

My lawyer answered it (the question) for me, but thank you. But I've decided to just go ahead with the adoption, I need to accept it and move on. I'm lucky to have you guys, the openness and he is just better off with you.

30 minutes later I receive this text from our bm lawyer stating:

Just got a text from bm. She decided to go forward with the adoption after all. I think writing out the revocation made her face the reality of what she was about to do. She says she is ready to move on. I did not tell her about the cystic fibrous scare yet. I will discuss all with your lawyer in the morning.

I think I need a valium! Oh wait...I have a feeding in 2.5 hours!

Love,
Kim