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Wow so much to catch up on!

First let me say I always imagined that I'd have this huge family built through adoption, but now after going through this process a second time, I have decided it is not for the faint of heart. It is so easy to let fear creep in and not live in faith. I have to constantly remind myself to keep my eyes on God and have no fear...but man...tough stuff...

I had been stressing out since I hadn't heard back from our birthmom regarding her choice of lawyer...of course my mind went to "end of job". Finally today we after 2 weeks we finally got some resolution. And guess what the sticking point was???? Her parents wanted to her to select an attorney based on how much it would cost us. Meaning an attorney closer to the hospital would cost us less than attorney locally. So esssentially they wanted to save us some money. And here I was worried for many days that the adoption plan had changed!

I received a text from our birthmom ealier this week that she went to the ER wed night. Apparently she went into premature labor. She was having contractions about every minute. They gave her some medication procardia to relax the smooth muscles and stop the contractions and sent her home to rest.

Friday we went to Hopkins for her check up. She is currently 33.5 weeks pregnant. She is measuring 35 weeks. I got to listen to the heartbeat again. That is my favorite! Of course I forgot my cell phone so I couldn't record it!

While there she complained about being insanely itchy. They are now testing her for Obstetric Cholestasis. OC carries an increased risk of premature labor, fetal and maternal hemorrhaging, fetal distress, and most importantly, stillbirth. Basically the liver is producing bile, that gets into the baby's bloodstream and is potentially toxic to the baby. Those test results will come back in approximately one week. If a formal diagnosis is made our birthmom will have to go for 2x a week testing a Hopkins to ensure the health and well being of the baby. While the doctor did not tell us, the information I found on the internet is that in cases like this the baby is typically induced earlier( (36-37 weeks) to prevent stillbirth. These are the days I am really glad she is going to Hopkins and getting such great care.

One of the tests they gave her was a 20 plus minute monitoring of the babies heartbeat, activity, and if birthmom was experiencing any contractions. So far the baby is doing well. I am eager for her to get the rest of the test results! Pregnancy is truly amazing and complicated!

After her appt. we meet with the social worker and the labor and delivery nurse to come up with a birthing, hospital stay, and discharge plan. Some of the items we discussed are really cool. The birthmom has requested that both her mom and I are present at delivery! I hope I don't pass out!!!!! The thing I am a little unsure of is the post birth and the discharge should it not happen during a weekday.

After the birth she requested the baby be in the room with her and I would stay in the room with her and take care of the baby. She said she choose this because she wants to save us money, but it makes me really uneasy. I am uneasy about this on mulitple levels as you can imagine. So hopefully we can all receive some good counsel and this issue will be resolved.

Also if they baby is born during the weekddays M-R...discharge of the baby from the hospital is no big deal. But if discharge occurs on any other day things are a little more complicated. My understanding is that legally the hospital has to discharge the baby to the birthmom...then once we leave hospital property she can "hand over" the infant. That seems so tramautic on so many levels. I too pray that this issue will be resolved as well.

One thing that really occured to me while spending the day with her is the disparity in adoption. On the one hand, you've got the ultimate gift of love. A birth mother choosing life for her unborn child and choosing adoption knowing that they cannot adequately care for them. Adoptive parents eager to embrace this beautiful life and love them like they borne them. On the other side, you have the loss and grief. The grief the birthmother will feel when she actually relinguishs her child. The grief the adoptive parents feel on behalf of the birthmom, knowing how very difficult it must be to make that choice and follow through with it. Not to mention any of the loss and grief the child will experience in life. In a perfect world there would be none of this. I was senstive to the issues when we adopted Lily, but I wasn't as close to it.

Many friends and family have offered advice regarding what an open adoption should look like. My prayer is that God will direct our steps and we will be able to create an open adoption plan that everyone involved can agree on and will serve all parties.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support!

Kim